Strangers in the City: Talking to Strangers can be Beneficial to Your Life
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I won’t believe you if you’ve never thought of what it takes to make a person happy in life. We each have our own depiction of happiness, and you may already think you have yours.
Our lives are built around a very specific yet broad variety of concepts: the things we need to do in order to sustain ourselves, the things we enjoy doing, and the people surrounding us. While you can argue that the last one matters less than the first, I’m here to let you know that you will scientifically live longer by having a good set of positive relationships surrounding you.
An 85-year-old Harvard study gathered the health records of 724 people from all over the world and interviewed them with questions about their lives in two-year intervals. The consensus they came to was plain and simple: positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and let us live longer. I couldn’t help but wonder, how can we learn to control our relationships while creating new ones?
When you step outside, everyday is another day, and you are in control of everything you discover. Of course you will learn things from your friends, and perhaps school or even work, but in what other ways can you advance yourself with new experiences? What better way to get a unique and invigorating take than from a stranger?
Sure, ever since you were a young child, you may have been taught to stay away from unknown people. Maybe “stranger danger” is one of the most recognizable refrains from your childhood. But at what point of your life should you stop avoiding all the possible dangers of the outside world and instead explore it?
Adolescence is the time to begin taking yourself out of the danger zone and putting yourself into the real world. As you begin to move away from the idea that all strangers are inherently dangerous, you will notice there is a balance to being both cautious and sociable. You may learn your nerves are the thing holding you back from experiences that will help you grow–experiences that can’t be had from behind a screen.
Where does this nervousness come from, though, particularly when you’re talking to new people? The barrier lies between you and your ego. The reason you don’t push yourself to talk to someone isn’t because you are actually scared of the interaction–it’s because you are stuck behind the barrier of “awkwardness,” and you're afraid to be seen as “weird.” In reality, avoiding conversations with those you don’t know will only make you comfortable for a short period of time. Long term, you will shy more and more away from strangers, remaining behind the barrier you built. Breaking down your barrier is going to result in long-term comfort, whether you are extroverted or not.
Simply recognizing the potential positive impact of a conversation with a stranger—both on you and on them—can set you up for success. For example, if you’re having a bad day and the barista draws a smiley face on your cup or a stranger walks past with a casual “How are you doing?,” the simple feeling of acknowledgement and appreciation coming from someone who has not a clue about you may be the thing that brightens your day. Likewise, what you do for a stranger could have a hundred times the impact of your original intention, and that is what’s important.
When it comes to having conversations with strangers, there aren’t any rules to tell you what to do—and you don’t have to stay within the lines of “small talk.” Things to say to a stranger can relate to something they’re wearing—perhaps a graphic shirt you have something to say about—or even the fact they have the same thing as you in their shopping cart. These things don’t have to be complicated, as there aren’t any stakes to the conversation.
You might find yourself in times where there’s no need to be rushed. You can always take a moment and look around; there will be people nearby. Some people won’t want to talk as much as others, but there will be moments when there’s a person near you at the perfect time. Seize the moment to strike up a conversation!
The whole point of talking to new people is the possibility for connection such conversations open up. Even being the first to break the ice with new neighbors can help you make a good first impression, which can lead to bigger things. You never know when you will find yourself reminded of an experience you had with a random stranger from months ago, and you still have their business card and can contact them. Practicing talking to strangers can not only bring you beneficial connections but also build your social network.
One final note: the key when practicing expanding a social circle with strangers is being cautious. If you aren’t cautious of your surroundings while talking to someone new you can find yourself in an unsafe situation. Putting yourself out there has benefits but also downsides if you do it without being careful. This might look something like being too comfortable around a stranger when there are not many people around, or being in a place where you don’t have help readily accessible. This is where strangers can actually be dangerous when you aren’t proceeding with caution.
When it comes to a situation that has the potential to put you in danger, there are three rules you need to follow in order to protect yourself:
-Don’t go anywhere with a stranger.
-Don’t accept anything from a stranger.
-Be prepared with a defense tool.
The Big Three should apply to your interactions with strangers, up until the moment you no longer consider them a stranger.