Hello, and welcome back to another edition of Unsolicited Musings and the Like, my hopefully humorous humor column. 

With this entry, I rise from my literary grave to address a topic pertinent to all Sequoyahns: the upcoming film adaptation of Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey, directed by Christopher Nolan and scheduled for release in 2026. Before my readers get too excited—no, I have not managed to interview anyone in the cast or the director.

Dearest gentle reader,

(The indomitable Co-Editor in Chief of The Barefoot Times, Harper Gowen ’26, recently introduced this columnist to the addictive, formulaic realm of pastels that is Bridgerton, and now I can’t stop watching. Someone please send help and crumpets.)

It’s the most pitiful time of the year.

Greetings, reader of The Barefoot Times! I have two guesses why you’re here and reading this inaugural entry in my new humor column: you’re procrastinating because you don’t want to do math review, or you’re a friendless nerd with no social life. Just kidding! I’m a nerd, too—and for much of my life, I was a friendless one.