Dearest gentle reader,

(The indomitable Co-Editor in Chief of The Barefoot Times, Harper Gowen ’26, recently introduced this columnist to the addictive, formulaic realm of pastels that is Bridgerton, and now I can’t stop watching. Someone please send help and crumpets.)

It’s the most pitiful time of the year.

Greetings, reader of The Barefoot Times! I have two guesses why you’re here and reading this inaugural entry in my new humor column: you’re procrastinating because you don’t want to do math review, or you’re a friendless nerd with no social life. Just kidding! I’m a nerd, too—and for much of my life, I was a friendless one.