Ask Julia 1: How Do I Break Up With Someone in a Nice Way?

How do I break up with someone in a nice way?

Breaking up can be really difficult for a variety of reasons. It’s important to remember that just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean it was a failure. People grow and change, especially as teenagers. You may have once been a good match, even if you aren’t anymore. I’m assuming that since you want to break up in a way that won’t hurt your partner’s feelings, your relationship was not an overwhelmingly negative experience. I’m sure you learned and grew from this experience, and that is so valuable.

You need to break up in person, even if it feels hard. Meet up with your partner someplace where it wouldn’t be difficult for them to get home or somewhere that they feel comfortable processing their emotions. Get straight to the point, and don’t try to pretend that everything is fine. Give them an honest explanation for why the relationship didn’t work out but try not to be too harsh. Do not let yourself get convinced by your partner to not break up; you know why you’re doing this. Don’t tell them that you can still be friends. That conversation can happen later, and they probably don’t want to hear it right now. Don’t linger too long after you break up. It’s okay to cry.

In the coming days or weeks, be sure to give your now ex as much space as they need, but don’t act like you’re actively ignoring or avoiding them. This might be difficult to do if you go to school together, so just do your best. There isn’t really a right answer as to whether or not to delete pictures of the two of you together off of social media. It depends on the people involved. I would recommend not deleting pictures first thing after the breakup, as this could make your ex feel like you’re trying to erase or forget them. If you start seeing someone new, don’t be overly affectionate in front of your ex. Don’t lie about your relationship status, but don’t make it a big thing, either. 

I hope your breakup goes as well as it can. You are strong for recognizing that your relationship is no longer working and doing something about it. Good luck.

My friend is in a relationship with my ex boyfriend. About a month before they started dating, she asked me if it was ok if she hung out with him and I said yes because I didn't think it would work out...it worked out. They always want to hang out with me and I don't want her to know that I have weird feelings about their relationship so I always agree. It's killing me. I want to stay friends with them both but I don't know if I can. Should I try to break them up? What should I do? 

This sounds like a tough situation. It can be really painful to have these negative feelings about people who you care about. First of all, you definitely SHOULD NOT try to break your friends up. This would probably make it impossible for you to be friends with either of them in the future, and it may even make your other friends mad at you.

You should tell your friend how you feel. She should understand that you do not want to watch your ex be in a relationship with someone else, especially someone that you’re close to. If she doesn’t, she may not be a good friend for you. You shouldn’t expect them to break up, but it’s reasonable to tell them that you don’t want to hang out with just the two of them together. Instead, you should spend time with them in group settings, or individually, although your friend might not feel comfortable with her boyfriend spending time alone with his ex.

Honestly, this situation might not ever stop being somewhat awkward, but that’s okay. Just focus on the friendships that you have with both of them. In the future, don’t say you’re comfortable with something that you aren’t. It’s okay to say how you really feel. I hope your friends understand. 

I feel like I never feel any emotions anymore, is something wrong with me?

Feeling numb is really difficult. I have personal experience with this, and it is certainly not fun. Firstly, you should change your framing of something being wrong with you to you needing help to feel better. Thinking that there is something “wrong” with you can lead to you being harsh or judgemental of yourself when you have done nothing wrong. 

Numbness can sometimes be caused by depression or anxiety. It can also be caused by medications used to treat depression and anxiety. We can’t catch a break, huh?  

You should tell an adult who you feel supported by about how you’re feeling. This person could be Yvonne, Sequoyah’s Director of Counseling and Student Wellness. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. You do not have to endure this alone. Exercise and sleep are both good ways to get some relief. You may benefit from medication or talk therapy, if that is an available option for you.

Anyways, to answer your question, there is not something wrong with you. You are just going through a difficult time right now. Just remember that, eventually, it will get better. It always does.

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