The Hater: Notes on Camping
Dear Sequoyah,
I know that when you think of camping, you think, “What a blast!” Long, memorable van rides, food prepared by students--what’s not to like? Well, by the ninth year of camping, those vans become carsickness machines, the sandwiches become tasteless and repetitive, and your tolerance for turning your life upside down for a week seems to dwindle.
Sequoyah camping trips are great at the beginning of your Sequoyah years. In the Bamboo (or Pond), parents cook all of your food, they stop for In-N-Out on the very manageable three-hour car ride, and there are snacks for when you get hungry.
But when you get to the uppers, forget it. Your sandwiches get moldy and all of your favorite cereals run out. Not to mention that one loud, annoying kid in your van who won’t be quiet even after he or she has been asked a million times.
The worst part is that teachers don’t let you spend any time in your own tent. Seriously, what did I learn to put up a tent for? For show? No--when I set up a tent, I’m living in there until the trip is over. Isolated from 20 other kids. Being in your tent is not excluding others--it’s creating small communities. Everyone has her own tent with two or three other people in it, so go hang out with them!
Another thing that I really hate about camping (especially outside the tent--see above) is the weather. Sequoyah thinks “these kids are going to be fine in the cold!” I know what you’re going to say: Sequoyah doesn’t control the weather. Or the government shutdown. Or tire blowouts, or acts of God. But that’s just it--camping has to involve bad weather sometimes. And the packing list that you receive is always 100% wrong. Wrong, I tell you!
It is always too cold or hot for the clothes you brought, and you end up wearing the same pair of jeans for nine days because the list told you to pack one pair of pants. And trust me, YOU DO NOT WANT TO WEAR THE SAME PAIR OF JEANS FOR NINE DAYS.
Sequoyah has camping all wrong. Crummy food, no running water, and dirt-filled tents is not a luxurious getaway or a “bonding experience.” It’s a one-way trip to Miseryville.
Love,
The Hater